Finding Grace in Relationships


A lot of times we forget that the closest and longest relationship(s) we have had in our lives has the most profound impact in our soul’s experiences. We had ‘asked’ for such a relationship to invoke certain experiences in our lives. Yes, the good and the bad. We have retaliated in some or most of those closest and longest relationships - with our parents, siblings, spouses, childhood friends or the person whom we spend our time the longest with.

The beginning of every relationships is always sweet and magical. This is because we see only the love in the other person and in the whole relationship itself. In the beginning all the adjusting and tolerance seems acceptable. As years gone by, the ‘itchiness’ will start to peek into the relationship we had held close to our heart. We will start to find faults and flaws on the other person (or in the relationship itself) just to satiate our irk-ness to fill in the gap - the gap we called emptiness in our heart. We crave ‘spice’ in life and when our ego interferes in them stirring it into a ‘me-me-me’ mentality, the whole relationship itself turns sour. It is said that this is usually common in ‘partner’ relationships.

I am telling you now that this applies to all the relationships in your life- starting with parents and siblings or the people we have grown up with - the longest and the oldest relationships of them all. You just don’t remember the magical and sweet part of it because you were still a baby with a different consciousness. You were still a pure being untainted with ego or fear. There was no beginning in these relationships as your mind hasn’t formed into the individual personality as of yet. Your world is within the vicinity of your family or the people you are with while growing up. You mirrored and learned from those people in your young life.  As you grow, your individuality starts to form alongside with the world around you - with the different version of exposures and experiences.

Some of us have strained relationships with our parents, siblings or spouses or even our childhood friends - perhaps it was over some misunderstanding or ego-clashes. Perhaps it lack the love it needs. Perhaps we were with them way too long to understand it or to appreciate of its existence that we seek outside to form a new one. We look outside for a relationship or something to fill up the emptiness we feel inside of us.

You forgot something here. No matter how big the gap is between you and the other person in a relationship, there’s a foundation build based on love underneath it. A strong unbreakable foundation build ‘brick-by-brick’ with love, intimacy, bonding, happiness and soul-connections. Your soul entwined the other person’s soul whom you are in relationship with. It was then enveloped with grace and gratitude making it so solid and connected. It stays there, invisible to the naked eyes, but it is there. You may stray as far as the world lead you to but on a soul-level, the bonding of such relationship build on a strong foundation never really leaves. It’s there before and it’s there now.

Tools : Paper and pen; and some privacy and perhaps photographs of the person whom you had the longest relationship with and you want to heal the relationship.

Let us now dwell in those longest and closest relationship(s) in today’s practice. You can start with your parents or siblings, or your spouse or even your childhood friend - anyone you would want to connect (soulfully) now. Start with 1-2 person today of the closest and longest relationship. You can continue the next day or do it on a weekly basis or when you feel you want the relationship to be healed. Perhaps a photograph of them may work while you are doing this practice.

The change starts from you. I am not asking you to change yourself for the other person just so the relationship work wonders. It doesn’t work like that. Nor will you ask the person to change. In fact you are changing your own perceptions and emotions over the relationship by focusing and identifying the love and the gratitude aspects in them. You are finding grace in those relationships.

While looking the photograph(s) of the person, list down 5 or more things you are grateful for about the person. Start your sentence with “Thank you …(the person’s name)… for ………………………………….” or “Thank you so much …. (the person’s name)…. for ………………………….. because…………”. Infuse some emotions in them. This is pretty important as emotions and feelings are the basis of this practice - to light up the relationships brightly and sparkly. Visualization helps too. Ignite those stacked up memories to light now. Focus only on the gratitude of it. Why you feel grateful for such person / relationship in your life?

Example : “Thank you Dad for being in my life when I needed you the most because you made me see me as a person who is worthy of love and happiness. You made me to strive to be a better person each and everyday. Thank you for the wonderful memories when you took me out for my Birthday - just both of us enjoying the movies and good meals. There’s no rush on that day. No expectations of how the day should turn out to be, even if it didn’t - it wasn’t so bad because it was camouflaged with the love and the magic of the day. Love supersedes all. It was an awesome special birthday. Thank you.”

[ Focus of Grace. Focus on Love. Focus on Gratitude ]

See how the relationships changes when you change your perceptions on them. See them flourish as you change the way you feel about them- more of gratitude and love. Light them up! Sparkle them up! Make them magical!

Every one of your relationships are precious as it is. Old or new. It is formed with you in your life for a reason - to experience life’s beauty, to feel the intimate connections of the bonding and to understand yourself better. Let us not forget about you today. YOU are your first closest and unbelievably intimate relationship you have with you. Yes, you do. List down 5 things you are grateful about you, and Yes, I do mean YOU.

Example : “Thank you for the strength I have in me to go through this difficult period in my life. I know I can face them with grace. I know I am capable of it. Thank you so much love!”.

Make today a day of grace. A day when you are in tune with the Universe’s energy - Love.

[ Love & Light ]

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