I realised a lot of things about myself as of late. We all do as a matter of fact at some point of our life, momentarily grasping and dwelling onto a particular meaning of some moments or connections enthralled our attention. We would wonder why it happened in the first place. Some leaves profound teachings about our self – though some may rip us apart, so we thought. Many of these encounterances of any form of relationship are meant to make us understand more of what we need to know, should we become aware of its repetitions and dive deep.
I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotional triggers, which is probably due to my hormonal changes, conditioning of my mind over the years with many beliefs or pent up unhealed issues within me along my life’s journey for decades, which may have resulted me brushing off many unwanted side(s) of another person(s) and even of my shadows – accusation, judgement, blame, portrayals of victim mentality, shaming, controlling, obsessions etc – directed to others or towards me; all of these emotions and reactions are part of my lessons in acknowledging it and identifying it’s presence in my life. The moment I do, I have choices to make (as we all). The choices or non-choices will lead to some experiences even more, thus leading to expansion of our own understanding of the world in its entirety.
The point is, we shouldn’t be beating up ourselves no matter what. Things could go from better to worst to unimaginably horrifying and eventually back to it’s-all-fine now. This is the cycle of life. I’m not saying it’s going to be all flowery but it’s going to be okay. Stay a little longer.
I have seen many faces of people, layered with various emotions triggered by many nuances of life’s offering. There were glimpses of a soul-level understanding of who I am but as subtly it came, it fades from my mind like a mist evaporates under the blazing sun. I have hurt and shamed some intentionally and unintentionally Those who encircles me knows who they are. I have been hurt, manipulated, tricked and shamed (along my life) as well, not that I am seeking justification here but I realised instead of accusing anyone, I’ve decided to go within. Everyone whom I have attracted in my life within my circle are of resonance to my vibration I am giving out – good and bad through my choices, it’s reactions, my beliefs, thoughts, words and actions – and the vibe.
I am responsible for my life and my choices are important on how I want my life to be. I do not know the future nor can I predict one. Every choices we make and every time we surrender for some sort of guidances from the Source, we will be a little closer to the alignment of joy, love and light. Every intention made that matches to that alignment brings us closer to the Source. I’m not saying one need to be a saint. Or start a pilgrimage. I am saying start living a life we are meant to live here as a spiritual beings in a human body, a vessel given to us to be at our service.
Not gonna sound like a broken record here but I think we all need to stop and think on the choices we have made in our life thus far that led us to the right-now wherever you are. My life are made out of the choices I have made – being a timid kid, an introverted teenager, a naive woman, cocooned in her version of fantasies only to be crushed again and again but funny, it only made me resilient. It made me to filter all my options accordingly and choose based on what I want, measured with my heart. I am still impulsive. I am still innocent in my heart. I am still a seeker. I am still lost at times but that only made me to seek ever more deeper and wider. I will continuously make choices, but this time with more awareness of what I intent to be.
At the end of the day, I just want to be happy. Ain’t we all?
Love & Light Being Light